Claire's Diary 30/09/2015

30/09/2015

Dear diary

Guess what I now have! A green screen! This is what I bought with the money I earned from my new job. Or, it will be once I have been paid some more. I can't wait to try out some special effects! I might make it look like I'm on a roller coaster or wandering across a desert landscape.

All I need now is a camera and some editing software and I'm in business!

Claire

Claire's Diary 29/09/2015

29/09/2015

Dear diary

It's been sort of a sleepy day for me. This morning I couldn't seem to hold my head up. In fact, it seems like I only get a few hours of feeling energetic as I have to go to bed after that. Is this making sense? I'm sorry. I think I need a job that doesn't cause me to feel tired. A job where I don't have to use a whole lot of mental of physical energy. Like a cartoonist.

Claire

Claire's Diary 28/09/2015

28/09/2015

Dear diary

I have finished my painting. I decided to make it a self portrait, which is kinda hard if you don't have a mirror handy but I think I pulled it off. It may have a few inaccuracies here and there but it looks pretty good. I might hang it up over the mantle. Only thing is I'm not entirely sure what a mantle is.

I've got dried paint under my nails now.

Claire

Claire's Diary 27/09/2015

27/09/2015

Dear diary

It's time to paint. Time to release all the inspiration that has been building up inside of me. I have so much art I want to get out. There will be no time for TV or coffee breaks. The canvas stays where it is until my masterpiece is complete. No music shall be played, no windows shall be cleaned. But Roger will need to be fed, in fact I'd better see to that now.

Claire

Claire's Diary 26/09/2015

26/09/2015

Dear diary

Is summer over? I was once told that September technically counts as summer. If that's true, why can't I wear my stupid summer outfits without feeling absolutely freezing? It feels like I'm on a dumb Arctic voyage every time I leave the house! My friends give me concerned looks whenever I hang out with them. At least I think that's what that look is.

Claire

Audio Junk #143 - Suspension of disbelief

Claire's Diary 25/09/2015

25/09/2015

Dear diary

I feel happy now because I found myself a new friend! He's a goldfish and his name is Roger. I no longer have that empty space next to the display cabinet. Roger is going to make my life a lot more tolerable. Every time I head to work, I will know that Roger is waiting for me. If I've had a rough day, Roger will listen to me when I tell him all about it. Roger is my friend. And the best part is, I can easily replace him when he's dead.

Claire

Cowsplay - Darkwing Duck

Tracy: Darkwing Duck/Drake Mallard

Macy: Negaduck

Darkwing Duck is property of Walt Disney Television Animation

Beluga Weekly #348

Claire's Diary 24/09/2015

24/09/2015

Dear diary

Sometimes you have to take what life throws at you. I'm not overjoyed about being broke and stick in a job that's slowly driving me cuckoo, but I suppose it's one of life's obstacles. All I can do is wait for all of this to pass. It's hard because I don't have a lot of time to talk to my friends and ask for help. I would mention this on Facebook, but I sat on my phone.

Life is like a box of chocolates. If you don't hurry up and eat them, they turn chalky and gross... I think that's how the expression goes.

Claire

Claire's Diary 23/09/2015

23/09/2015

Dear diary

I think my favourite pie has to be cherry because I love the colour red. I don't enjoy fruit so much but cherries just look so shiny and pleasant. So round too. That's what makes cherry pie so fascinating. When you see the filling, at first it looks like red mush, but then you look closer and see that there are little round fruits in there! OK, now that I've eaten a pie, what am I gonna have after dinner?

Claire

Claire's Diary 22/09/2015

22/09/2015

Dear diary

Guess who's going to be appearing in a calendar? That's right! 12 pages of yours truly taking you on a crazy ride known as 2016! I don't yet know what sort of images you can expect to see in this publication, but who cares! It's the best of me throughout the year! I can't wait!

Now all I need is for a greeting card company to get in touch with me.

Claire

Claire's Diary 21/09/2015

21/09/2015

Dear diary

This is it. The end of it all. Everything is going up in flames. My life is over and there's nothing that can bring me back.

My TV is broken. I didn't really use it much, in fact I've found myself decorating the screen with stickers and photographs of pineapples. But it's really sad because I must have had that TV for... hang on... more than 2 months.

Where's my iPad?

Claire

Claire's Diary 20/09/2015

20/09/2015

Dear diary

Today is Cheesy day! What does that mean? It means Everybody has to spend the day eating cheese or cheese-based products. Even if you hate cheese, you must eat some cheese for breakfast lunch and dinner. Even if you are lactose intolerant, you must have at least 5 portions of cheese before this day ends.

My breathe stinks right now.

Claire

Claire's Diary 19/09/2015

19/09/2015

Dear diary

I am so bored right now. It feels like this whole day has been empty. Every time I wanted to do something, I had nothing to do. Don't you just hate days like that? There's nothing on TV, no good books you haven't already read, no one to talk to, nothing. What's worse is once this boring weekend is over, I have to go back to work! Actually, that would mean having lots of stuff to do.

Why can't I ever be happy?

Claire

Audio Junk #142 - Selling shorts

Claire's Diary 18/09/2015

18/09/2015

Dear diary

I am not good at making burgers. This is a particular shame because it happens to be my job. I wish I was good at my job and bad at the stuff I enjoy doing. Hopefully I won't need to work at the burger joint for much longer. I'd rather scrub toilets than do this. At least then I wouldn't have to leave the flat.

Claire

Cowsplay - Team Rocket

Tracy: James
Macy: Jessie

Pokemon is property of Nintendo

Beluga Weekly #347

Feel free to comment!

Claire's Diary 17/09/2015

17/09/2015

Dear diary

I am good at making apple dumplings! And yes, I do like the taste of apple dumplings so it wasn't a complete waste of time. My flat smells delicious and I'm really looking forward to tasting them. I might share them with my friends but only if they're not so incredibly tasty I end up scoffing the lot!

I'm not that hungry right now. Better call my friends. They'll get rid of these dumb treats.

Claire

Claire's Diary 16/09/2015

16/09/2015

Dear diary

Today I tried to make a model of myself out of play-doh. I'm thinking of asking for a refund because this model doesn't look anything like me. You'd think that technology has reached the point where clay models could be more lifelike but no! I also have bits of putty trapped under my nails. And the stuff smells like pork rinds soaked in vinegar.

The worse part is, you can't eat it! What kind of doh is this?

Claire

Claire's Diary 15/09/2015

15/09/2015

Dear diary

I am trying my best to blend in. Not sure what I want to blend in with, but I'm finding that I stand out way too much because of my very striking appearance. There's something about looking this instinctive that makes life very difficult somehow. I'm sure many would give anything to look as remarkably unique and I don't blame them. This is all about to change however. Starting next week, I'm going to be unnoticeable. Wait, I might want to start being unnoticeable the week after because my dumb bicycle need fixing. I'll need to be noticed for that.

Bikes are a pain when everybody notices you riding one.

Claire

Claire's Diary 14/09/2015

14/09/2015

Dear diary

They're coming! They're bent on hunting down innocent rabbits and they will not rest until we have been captured! I'm not leaving my house. I'm not even going near my front door. They want me and I'm not gonna let them catch me!

Oh... Wait, sorry that's just the recycling being collected. False alarm!

Claire

Claire's Diary 13/09/2015

13/09/2015

Dear diary

I absolutely love, love, LOVE cream puffs. If they didn't make me fat, I'd eat them all the time. Actually, I kinda do eat them all the time. They're just so creamy and puffy. I must have had about 1000 this year. In fact, I'd better go and weigh myself before I feel the urge to have another one.

Claire

Claire's Diary 12/09/2015

12/09/2015

Dear diary

My feet hurt today. I feel as though I have been walking on flaming hot pieces of coal. I don't enjoy working on Saturdays. I'm also not too keen on working on Fridays either. Thursday can be a pain. Wednesdays aren't so bad. Tuesdays are awesome. Nobody likes Mondays. Sundays are for resting. That's why I'm looking forward to tomorrow.

I don't enjoy working on Saturdays. Oh wait, I already said that.

Claire

Audio Junk #141 - They're taking the Homeboys to Laser Tag!

Claire's Diary 11/09/2015

11/09/2015

Dear diary

I feel like drifting on a raft, watching the world go by as I relax without a care in the world. Too bad I have to work now. I don't hate my new job but I find it hard to not hate getting up in the morning and going to my job. I must try and think of something relaxing. Like a ghost. You know, a relaxed ghost. I don't know what I'm trying to say. Rafts are choppy.

Claire

Cowsplay - Comic Con 11/09/2015

Yes, they're back and once again hanging out at a local convention!

Tracy: Batgirl

Macy: Power Girl

Beluga Weekly #346

Feel free to comment!

Claire's Diary 10/09/2015

10/09/2015

Dear diary

I have some wonderful news! I have just started a new job. I was working at that library before but I've finally found something that's a bit more me. Work is hard to find and those bills need to be paid. I'm meeting a lot of new people. I don't have to get up quite so early as I did with the last job. Yeah, I'm really happy with this decision. I must have impressed them with my determination.

Must get back to work now. Time is money, hey! That's what that phrase refers to!

Claire

Claire's Diary 09/09/2015

09/09/2015

Dear diary

I found Herbert in the attic today! He was the snuggliest friend I had when I was little. I would take him to bed every night and he would protect me from the monster under my bed. I'm glad he did because that monster turned out to be a complete jerk. I haven't seen Herbert for such a long time and it's so nice to smell him again. Well, back to the attic you go.

Claire

Claire's Diary 08/09/2015

08/09/2015

Dear diary

Slugs are eating up my cabbage patch again! It's really annoying when these creatures slide into my garden and munch away at my veg! Funny how slugs only seem to be around when it's raining. Could that be a coincidence? Something tells me there's more in this than meets the eye. What if slugs are stealing water from us? What if they have a secret tank where they keep all the water? And what if this leads to a world wide drought? Then again, it's probably just cause they need the moisture.

Claire

Claire's Diary 07/09/2015

07/09/2015

Dear diary

People wear the largest hats at race tracks. I have no idea why. Is it supposed to be posh? I'd like to be posh. That way I wouldn't feel so guilty buying expensive products like salmon or 3D printers. I do have lots of dumb hats. They're only small ones however. In fact, they're so small, I'm not entirely sure where they are. They're not on the hat stand. Mind you that might be because I haven't got one.

Claire

Claire's Diary 06/09/2015

06/09/2015

Dear diary

Remember when I thought about changing my appearance? I've just decided I'm never going to change. I am perfectly comfortable with my appearance as it is. I'm never going under the knife, lifting my face or having any of that nip n' tuck nonsense. Rabbits don't need makeovers. We are supposed to have buck teeth and big ears. Wether we like it or not. We're stuck like this. I hate it. Somebody make me look like Barbie!

Claire

Claire's Diary 05/09/2015

05/09/2015

Dear diary

I wish I could grow a beard. Rabbits aren't generally capable of growing facial hair. If I had a beard, I'd put my coffee cup underneath it to keep the stupid coffee warm. I wouldn't put food underneath it. That would just be gross. Not coffee though. Nothing could ever put me off a cup of coffee. Maybe toothpaste come to think of it. But then it's not very likely someone will put toothpaste in my coffee.

I fancy a coffee.

Claire

Audio Junk #140 - Sleepy voice man

Claire's diary 04/09/2015

04/09/2015

Dear diary

Has anybody figured out of jelly is solid or liquid yet? I haven't eaten jelly for 28 years because this still hasn't been confirmed yet. I don't know if I'm supposed to eat or drink jelly. Can you get it in bottles? I've never seen it in bottles. That must mean it falls more into the stupid solid category.

There. I solved it. If it doesn't come in bottles, it's not a liquid.

Claire

Beluga Weekly #345

Feel free to comment!

Claire's Diary 03/09/2015

03/09/2015

Dear diary

You don't see many skyscrapers around here do you? In fact, I'm not sure I've seen one skyscraper in the amount of time I have lived here in England! That's why I have decided to design my own skyscraper which I plan to have installed somewhere in old London town sometime in the near future.

So far, it seems to be going rather well. I just hope the townsfolk don't notice it's made of cardboard.

Claire

Claire's Diary 02/09/2015

02/09/2015

Dear diary

The thing I like most about anime is you get to see so many things you would never get to see in reality. How many people do you know who have sparkly eyes or tiny mouths? I also like the more sophisticated style where the characters look more like actual people. In fact, I like actual people. But anime is more fun to look at. I think my favourite anime is Spirited Away even though I have never seen it.

Don't really have much time for movies.

Claire

Claire's Diary 01/09/2015

01/09/2015

Dear diary

It's the start of September so I feel like it's time for a new cereal. Cereal is one of those things that needs to be switched around from time to time. I feel like a month is generally how long it takes. So I spent most of the morning scouting the supermarket for a box that would do the trick.

I actually don't like cereal. I wasted a morning.

Claire

New Stuff #16

New Stuff #16

By Andrew Mortimer in New Stuff

24 pages, published 9/1/2015

Is this a dagger I see before me? No, tis the 16th issue of New Stuff! Join Trudy and Corky for another award winning performance. That is, if Beryl and Stan don't ruin it for them.